My LifeJournal: My Love II

My love.

This was not taken by me, fyi.
Aidilfitri 2009.
After going through so much that Ramadhan.
This picture ain't complete though.




I love my family so much, it hurts.

My LifeJournal: Death II

Ever since the many deaths
I'd seen this year, I can't stop
thinking about it.

Really, I'm not suicidal.
But I just keep thinking about it.
How, at one point, it would be alright if I die tonight.
And how, at most times, I was scared of not being able
to repent fully in time for death.

Every thing reminds me of death.
I kept thinking of people around me dying.
The loved ones in my life, myself.

Every emotions was somehow connected to death.
Every sickness, though common, was related to death.
Every moment was entwined with death.
The 'what ifs' in my life would end with death.

I could be spoiling myself in my aunt/ mom/ dad's love
and I will be thinking "what if I die tonight?"
or "what if they leave me tomorrow?"

Every toss and turn I take, and I would be thinking,
"what if the next time I turn, and realise she's no longer breathing?"
Every cough and sigh and I would stop to check the heaving
of their bodies.


Really, I assure you. I'm not suicidal.
My threshold for pain is really low.
I don't think I want to jump off a building or slit my wrists.

What I want to do, is to love and be loved
by my family and ﷲ.

It's simple, nein?

I think I just need to be around someone,
who can take my mind off things.
Death in particular.


Okay. enough with the pondered thoughts.
Sacheon, chillax?

My LifeJournal : Aidiladha 2009

Nabil,4.

Kak Lin and her 2 children.

Nur Afiqah, 1.

Forceful pose.

My mak and Nabil.

My Mak and Afiqah.

Coconut tree on her head.

Cousins, nephews and nieces.

First sparklers for the night.

Blurred cos it was handheld!

Rings of fire.

So Syairah helped with the fire.

Bored Lunatics.
And they stick a pair of sparklers on their songkok.

And they tried with their initials.

My lovely family.

Sidins!

A star for Maya.

And another one.

Sunshine in the dark.

\/\/.

Never too old.

Dhiya loves sparklers too!

Such concentration.

So blur and cute.

Doesn't this look familiar?
Aidilfitri 2008?

My favourite cousins.

Bahebak.

Aidiladha 2009.
I had really great fun.
Just like every other time
when I'm surrounded with
the people I love.

We get to play with sparklers today!
Which allows me to take
some pretty f8 and above pictures.
Most of my f8 and above pictures
are blurred though!
But you can't blame me,
it was handheld!
It's really tricky.
The more I thought of
standing still, the more my hands
would shake involuntarily.

Cousin couldn't make it though.
He's having exams tmr.
Poor guy.
Haven't seen him in ages.

Oh, and we belong to the
Sidin's family.
My granddad's name.
We belong to his family.


=)


And I love my family so much, it hurts.
Bahebak.

My LifeJournal: The End

And there it goes.
Ramadhan left us again.
With 3 losts - 1st, 3rd and the last week.

I'm proud to say that I was better than the last.
And I hope I would be perfect with each passing Ramadhan.

I'm thankful for the blessings bestowed upon my family.
And I shall count the ways, how Ramadhan is my favourite month.


The struggle to wake up early.

The chance to break fast with my family.

The many occasion for the entire family,
to come together.

The sending of food around the North East region.

The sending of foodstuff around.

The weekly trips to Geylang.

The hustle and bustle of that place.

The coincidental broadcast of the Raya songs

The last minute shopping.

The terawih.

The chance to better myself.

The takbir.

The great opportunity to be
closer to ﷲ.




This Ramadhan was a little bit special.
I guess ﷲ really loves my family.





May I get to see another Ramadhan.
With my entire beloved family.

My LifeJournal: Al Fatiha

Al Fatiha

16 Sept, 26 Ramadhan.
And we lost someone again.
My maternal grandmother.

Bedridden for more than 2 years.
And today she peacefully leave us.

Though the COD was Myocardial Infarction.

Everyday I walked past her.
But I was always too busy to say Hi,
or to touch her, or to just look at her eyes.

But few days back, I had decided to do just that.
I stopped by her.
Looked at her. Stroked her hands.
Pushed her hair back.
And that was it.

And I continued through my daily routine.
Until today, when I got the news while at work.
I was shocked beyond anything.

Just this morning I heard my mom,
trying to make conversations with her.

And an hour later, she was found...

And everything else starts to kick in.

The initial cleaning up.
The calling of relatives from Msia, In'sia, ME.
The recitation of Surah Yasin.
The welcoming of guests.
The final respect being paid.
The getting ready for breaking fast.

May الله protect me, my entire family (living or deceased) and the people I love
from the punishments of the Jahannam, and the punishments of the grave.

Yeap, another test for my family and I.
That's the 5th passing on I'd seen this year.

Arwah Abah, Arwah Muhd Syafiq, Arwah Nenek,
And 2 others who are like family, Arwah Cik Jamal and Arwah Nek Semah.


The passing on of loved ones really pulls you down back to earth.
And الله loves us so much as to keep reminding us.
Though we had to go through some hardships,
He made everything fall into all the correct places.

Syawal, coming in 3 days,
would never be the same again.



I love my family so much it hurts.

My LifeJournal: Al Fatiha

Al Fatiha.


Another test from الله.
Another lost in the family.
The long awaited gift from الله.

He was born on 27 Aug.
And he left us on 27 Aug.
But I know الله loves him more.

We thought everything was okay.
We talked and laughed during break fast.
And then we said our goodbyes.

But as we were about to leave,
My cousin called, and he was weeping on the phone.
My heart string was pulled again.
And we rushed back.

We were worried and overwhelmed with everything.
We were practically begging to staff,
to let us up.
They made a call and,
"All of you can go up now. All of you. Hurry."

We got up and saw him in tears.
Constantly kissing his baby.
His baby, so beautiful, lying there.
Doctors surrounding him.

The doctor wheeled his mother in.
And she was almost wailing,
asking them to let her carry the baby.

In the midst of everything,
they couldn't resist taking pictures.
To preserve the lost memories.

And soon, the entire family flooded the NICU.
Most of us was in tears.
Body shaking uncontrollably.

He came out, and then he looked at me.
He smiled a sad smile as he said,
"Sidin"

And the next day felt like deja vu.
It was all too familiar.
None of us slept well,
as we waited for light to appear.

And soon, his body was brought back.
And we said our final goodbyes and prayers.

Tears rolling down my cheeks.
As I look at his beautiful face.
Fair skin with brown eyebrows.
He looked so peaceful.
He looked like he was asleep.

Then I lowered myself.
And kissed him on his forehead.
He was icy cold.
I pulled away and cried again.

And then my cousin went up to the front.
Cradling his baby in his arms.
As he Adhan.

His voice cracked.
As memories of his late father,
and now his son, floods in.
But soon, he began to Redha,
And continued the Adhan with a
much firmer and louder voice.

And the rest of us at the back.
We silently cried as we prayed along.

Nevertheless, I know his baby is the luckiest one.
He left us on a Friday Night.
During the holy month of Ramadhan.
The world was crying with us the whole night.
The whole Masjid Istighfar
prayed for him in the Solat Jenazah.


We love him so much but الله loves him more.
May we meet you again in Heaven.


Indeed this year is full of obstacles.
But I know one thing is for sure.
الله loves me and my family.
As He puts us through so many tests.
Which He knows, we all can make it through.
And I know that He will bestow us with
10 more wonderful years.
In return for this one.
Insyaallah.


الله loves
Muhd Syafiq Bin Mohd Shahril.





I love my family so much, it hurts.

My LifeJournal: Cake Cutting Ceremony

Cousins, Zafrin and Arfan.

*cheese*

Family Portrait.

Papa and Nureen.

Half of the Cousins Army.

1 month and half apart.

Ayah and Nureen.

Saving the cake frenzy.

Feeling at studio.

Family!

My LifeJournal: Tell

I wanted to tell, but I don't know how.
I wanted to tell, but I just couldn't.
I wanted to tell, but something stopped me.
I wanted to tell, but I've got no one.






So I turned to Allah instead.

My LifeJournal: Blood

"I came out, and he was lying in a pool of blood.
Towels laid, soaked with blood.

Kak, banyak darah kak,
she said, her voice cracking.
Tears in her eyes.
It pulled my heartstring.

I had wanted to cry.
But everytime I look at someone else,
I decide that I should be strong.
I clenched my jaws and looked away."










2009 is really not a good year.
But its okay.
Allah gave me 10 good years,
after a bad 1.




Ya Allah, please let there be no phone calls tonight.
Please don't let it be the C word.
Please let everything be alright.
Ya Allah, please protect my families and the people I love.



I love my family so much it hurts.

My Lifejournal: Desaru Getaway

Passion Fruit...I think.

Cempedak...I think.

Grapevine Tendrils.

Some kind of flower.

Abg Shahril and Mak again.

Cat's Whiskers.

Bokeh-ed Pollen.

Bokeh-ed Petals.

Another kind of flower.

Abg Shahril and Mak.

Smelly fish food in his hands.

Hungry Coys.

I detest fishes.

Thousand Bananas.

Another flower.

A herd of goats.

Sleepy Apitah.

Selamat Datang ke Desaru Fruit Farm.

Don't ask me for the name.

Cute monkey.

And yes, it's chained.

Duckies.

Ostrich.

Kacang Rebus for appetisers.

A peak into the Pulai Resort.

She sell seashells on the seashore.

Apitah can walk!





Thanks Kak Sarifah for the perfect getaway!